WHERE OH WHERE HAS THE SUMMER GONE?

It happens every year. By the first of August most of the moms that I know are feeling a little ambivalent. The ambivalence revolves around a sense of loss, guilt, and appreciation or at least mine does. The feeling of loss comes from the reality that one more summer has come and gone and the stage at which our family is at will be “no more”. I was always one of those Moms crying as the bus sped off down the road on the first day of school. I enjoyed walking down our lane to the rising sun and the sound of the neighbors roosters crowing. As our children started going to different schools we began driving and we would routinely stop by a field to entertain neighboring Holstein cows. The kids learned how to “call” the cows from the car and to take a minute to say hello to them. Thankfully the farmer never felt threatened or bothered by us. I can only hope that the loving attention increased their milk production. We would pray for everyone’s day during those car rides and it helped to set the tone for a fun, productive, and fruitful day.
My sense of loss comes from not having those moments any longer and that my kids, now grown into young adults are all beginning and ending their school days on their own. I appreciate that they have chosen to follow their dreams and have a “good” head on their shoulders. I especially appreciate that I had those moments with them. I know that many parents are not as fortunate to have times like the “cow” experience. I also appreciate the fact that they are all healthy and able to head off to college to build their own lives. We have been very fortunate with our family’s sense of love, support, and memories.
So where does the quilt come in? Is it that perhaps we have allowed opportunities to go unseen or utilized? Did we play enough? Did we listen enough? I know our family laughed enough. Our meal times run an average of an hour and never once did we ever sit in silence? Usually politics, history, and religion somehow managed to seep into the conversations. For some mothers, the quilt comes in when they realize that they are ready for the kids to return to some sort of schedule. For others it is when they realize that they didn’t follow through with what they said they would do over the summer. For some it is when they realize that they don’t like the stage that their family is in. I am not feeling much guilt right now. I feel pretty good that my husband and I are doing the best we can. I cherish every time I hear my kid’s voices together. I am a little scared about this fall when my husband and I will most likely scare one another to death in the big yellow albatross of a house. I guess I could start feeling guilty for not feeling guilty but that would take way too much energy. I am tired after this summer. Perhaps I will sleep more this Fall, aha, I will get more sleep and have lots of energy.

Have a peaceful transition into your Fall!

Transitioning through Life Stages

In the past month I have experienced two graduations (our eldest from college and youngest from high school) and all four of our young adult children coming home for the summer. While I love listening to their voices as they excitedly share their personal lives with one another, a surprise feeling has emerged that I hadn’t planned on: Ambivalence. I am thrilled for their independence and pride in finding job opportunities and yes, even facing an occasional let down and yet I know that it will be eerily quiet here in the Fall. I am slowly accepting that this is what we raised them to do and this moment is not about me. The fact that all four have jobs and two have internships is a miracle considering what is happening in Indiana and the job markets. I discovered something else about all of this. The reasons moms and dads end up appropriately letting go of their young adults is actually because we are Tired. Anyone that knows me well will be thrilled to hear this because I can sometimes tire others out with my ongoing motor.
Looking back I now understand why my Mom was on the couch late at night when I came in and why she looked so exhausted. It was because she was exhausted. Between my father’s snoring (which today would be diagnosed as sleep apnea within five minutes) and my tendency to stay out late was probably what turned her hair snow white. I often send my appreciation up to her towards heaven and wish that she and Dad were here to see their grandchildren and their accomplishments in person. I often think of Mom driving us home from the mall late at night when she had to be worn out and my father working second shift at a factory after he had already put in a full day on the farm. Thankfully they were alive when I was married and a successful nursing manager, but they didn’t get to experience their grandchildren and they certainly didn’t get to experience life at home when the kids had grown and were all gone.
I am starting to think of things that I would like to do with my additional time next year. I am adding tennis lessons or at least more playing time to the list as well as piano lessons. I would eventually like to play a songbook that doesn’t have color codes or numbers above the notes. I would like to visit my children and be able to listen and celebrate their new experiences with them. I am planning on starting a group that will nourish other parents that are in the same stage of life and are wondering what lies ahead. I think that if we keep our eyes and ears open we will find our way. I am one that doesn’t want to over think all of this because I will miss being in the moment if I do. I know that by coaching other parents, I will continue to be challenged and amazed. What would my Mom and Dad do with their extra time? I think they would sit down and drink a lemonade in the afternoon under one of the shady maple trees or perhaps take an afternoon drive around the area to see what was happening on the other farms. They delighted in the simple things that present themselves everyday but sometimes go unnoticed. They would discuss the things that perplex or worry them. They would be thankful.

Save the Hotdog

While most of us parents learned what we needed to know about childcare during growing up years with siblings, many graduate to become the “masters” of taking care of children. Safe Sitters is a wonderful program started right here in Indiana years ago by Dr. Pat Keener, a well known pediatrician. I have taught Safe Sitter in the past and truly believe that if all expectant parents would go through the program or a semblance of it, we wouldn’t see and hear about some of the crazy things in the news. I recently read an article about the poor American Hot Dog under attack by an Emergency Room physician that is tired of relieving choking victims of its remnants. I understand his frustrations and thinking of “let’s quit making hot dogs in their present form to prevent this horrible problem”. My question is: If we start with the hot dog and change it then what other foods will we have to alter to make our world safe for everyone? Peanuts, cheerios, fruit loops, bacon, raisins, apples, marshmallows, and any toy like Legos make a very convenient choking tool. If the hotdog was a universal killing machine then we would want to look at this. Do we really want to create a sterile environment that requires no anticipatory thought or responsibility? I have the greatest sympathies toward any parent that has had a horrific choking experience. My concern here is how quick we are to want to legislate or “outlaw” hotdogs when the hotdog isn’t the problem. We implement laws thinking we will get rid of a behavior like bullying. Shouldn’t we be preparing our children by modeling responsible behavior and living with boundaries. My second question is: What happened to the old rule of thumb that you didn’t feed small children hotdogs and if you did, you must cut it up into very small pieces. Where are the parents or child care givers who are supposed to be chopping the hot dogs?
Should we try first to educate the parents to prevent hazardous choking situations? Do the parents know that cheerios can do the same thing or if you put a whole plate of food in front of a baby-toddler and walk away that they can stuff the whole plate in at once and choke? Perhaps we should think about changing the environment to fit the child’s growth and development instead of making the hot dog the bad guy. It is difficult to be a parent and all of us have had a child choke at some point. It is terrifying I can’t imagine anything worse than trying to save a life in a choking situation and being unsuccessful. Let’s educate people to make wise choices so they can model making wise choices to their children. Perhaps we need a program like Safe Sitter that teaches how to relieve obstructed airways and common potential choking foods for all expectant parents. Something to think about.

Capturing the Moments


Isn’t the snow incredible? What does it bring to mind for you? When I look at the breathtaking scene of our twelve deer meandering their way through the wild flower and grass area I am in awe. Sometimes they linger to sample the leftovers of summer and it allows a glimpse into their beautiful existence. This is the winter of the “now”. I am truly in the moment and I want to take a “memory” picture, something to conjure up later on in life. What will my children remember about these moments?
When recently asked, my daughter, Michelle, remembered the sledding on our miniature hill that bordered our property on E. 96th street. The ‘mound” divided our
property from the subdivision, The Moorings”. This was the perfect hill for little ones sledding. It was steep, easy to climb, with an abrupt end that would plummet you face down into the snow. This mound of dirt or the “hill” as we referred to it was perfect for small toddlers transitioning into small children.
When I think of snow from my childhood, I think of going out for the morning to the farm hill. At the time, it seemed like Mt. Everest as I remember pulling the wooden sled up for one more run. We didn’t have snow suits and often piece mealed a winter outfit together by determining which sweat shirts had dried over the old furnace registers. The other memory is one from night time when my older brother, Jim, and I would make our way out to bed the cow- barn with fresh straw. I actually enjoyed doing the bedding; Jim and I might talk. I was lucky in that most of my duties were house oriented. The bedding was actually fun. Walking on the snow made this crisp-crackling sound that was the only sound around. I have always loved how quiet it is in the snow. Perhaps that is part of the lure of skiing. I hope to ski more some day.
One day last week, when I went out to shovel snow , I saw that Sam, my eighteen year old was home (car in garage) but now where to be seen? Periodically, I would holler in my hillbilly voice, “SAM”. “Come help me shovel. Where are you”? Perhaps a half hour later after Michelle and I had been outside shoveling, Sam emerged with his face bright red and head wet. He had been outside in the woods where the tree branches were heavily laden with fresh snow. “I’ve been enjoying nature”. We didn’t press him to help us at that point. The next week at dinner, it was lovely listening to him marvel at the beauty of the snow and those moments when you choose to sit and just look, listen and feel the moment.
We may not be sledding as much as we used to, but we learn to appreciate the gifts of our daily lives and to appreciate the small moments we will truly remember. Enjoy the snow, it will be gone soon and you never know when you will see, hear, or feel
it again.

Educational Reform Proposals : Initial Thoughts
Christine Ogle Erotas, R.N.,M.S.N. Certified Parent Coach

The “Race to the Top” educational reform proposals generated by Superintendent Tony Bennett and Gov. Mitch Daniels are creating quite the buzz. I am encouraged that we are attempting to win part of the 4.4 billion federal stimulus money to create a viable education system for our future generations. There are some concerns, mainly the proposal to tie teacher’s evaluations with 51% of its weight being given to student test scores. Okay, it is 51%, but we are still correlating success with standardized testing. According to the paper (Indy Star, 1-20-2010, page, A1), Indiana would sign on to a nationwide test that would replace ISTEP. YES! Question: Is the new test going to change the way that we measure a student’s success and dictate their individual future? I certainly hope that it will be a “tool” that will have realistic expectations and that it will be used to help direct and propel instead of stagnate and discriminate. There are so many things that we can do early in the student's school career to encourage participation and to nourish individual gifts; however,by schools focusing only on numbers, many of our talented students fall short. I hope that our political leaders will listen to the teachers that work with students on a daily basis and incorporate their ideas. As a parent, life-long learner, past nursing educator, masters prepared nurse, and current certified parent coach, I believe that there has to be a way to measure success in a more holistic manner. The encouraging part is that we are recognizing that we must change. Let’s not stop short !