My husband and I met up with four out of six couples at a lovely Lake home of our Best Man and Maid of Honor from our wedding almost thirty years ago. All six couples almost made it, had it not been for one couple tending to a very ill parent and a passing of an uncle with the other. It was a night of nourishing our souls, catching up, laughing and reminiscing. I won’t attempt to over analyze our fun night away but I noticed some very important similarities worth sharing.
First off, all of the couples are still intact and appear to be fairly happy. They are all funny at various levels and are interesting. They are kind, they work hard, and play hard. While I would be ignorant to assume that none on the six couples ever experience stressful times in their lives, dissatisfaction, or anger. We all appear to be weathering the struggles of marriage, aging family members, illness, as well as assisting our children in growing into healthy , functioning, and happy adults. This is no easy fete in 2011 and my concerns for the young adults and their opportunities to make long lasting stable connections in a world driven by media that is fast, simple, and abbreviated grows daily. Relationships have to be nurtured with time and intimacy at a one on one level and in groups. While we sat around talking about life among our girls group, the men talked among themselves in their circle. We all were attentive. No one had a phone in their hands and no texting was going on during our conversations. We were all in the moment. We came together at the table for dinner and shared humorous stories that drew strong belly laughs from all. It felt really good to laugh with our old friends. Our children (college age and grad school) were thrilled that we were going on this little outing. So what does it do for our kids?
Maintaining long lasting friendships is one of the investments in your family that you can commit to that will help your children feel secure as you age and change. It shows your kids that the world does not revolve around them as you may have accidentally modeled at times. They want you to be happy and to have fun, really! Your friends are interested in your children and by sharing their joys, passions, and struggles with them, they are invited into your lives. When one of us (parents/ friends) passes, nothing will bring our children greater comfort and reassurance than hearing a funny story about something we said or did as a young person or more recently. Anyone who has lost a parent desires learning more about their mother or father in environments as they did not experience them. It is very heart warming and intimate seeing them through the eyes of a young friend, an old friend, a forever friend.
While our kids are texting , emailing, or twittering non stop, this intimacy may be difficult to nurture. The interruptions make it a struggle for them to maintain active listening, eye contact, and attention which is vital to truly hearing someone and engaging. My hope is that they will know the difference and discover the beauty of these friendships early on. I heard one time( not sure who said this ) that it is better to have one good friends than many acquaintances. I feel very fortunate to have five couples that I can call good friends and I congratulate them on still being together after all these years!
