Sample Coaching Summary for Interested Clients to View

All names and events are fictitious and this is to be used only as an example.

Coaching Summary for Alexandra September 26th, 2010

Alexandra, I was so pleased that you took advantage of your session Monday and hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did. I feel as though I learned a great deal from you even though, it was only an hour. I will condense and summarize what I gathered from our session. If you would like to add to the summary or if I am not clear on a point, feel free to let me know. My clients benefit greatly from these and it is an important part of the process. It is obvious that you are putting a great deal of energy into raising your children and you value spending time with them.

Summation:

1. You appreciate the opportunity to stay home with your sons and stated clearly that you don’t miss your career. It sounds as though you would like to eventually return to part time work after they are both in school. You recognize how important it is to physically take care of yourself and to nourish your marriage on an ongoing basis. I can’t say how vital this is to having a joyous home.

2. You enjoy the Preschool that you are involved in although it sounds like the duties can be somewhat stressful at various times. You are considering reducing your volunteer duties to be able to manage more “self-care” time.

3. Your main challenges seem to revolve around reacting to your oldest son’s strong willed behaviors and him becoming easily frustrated. It sounds as though this has become increasingly difficult with age. You appreciate the fact that he is gentle with his brothers most of the time. You feel as though his acting out is not directed toward them.

Do any of the challenging times have a pattern to them? Sometimes siblings react to the crying and developmental differences that comes along with multiple siblings and may even feel stressed by it. Could his tantrums be a form of regression and attention seeking to compete with the baby? Do they happen at the same time of day like when he comes home from preschool or at bedtime?

4. We discussed your desire to see your son follow directions without so many struggles. We talked about the way directions are given. Perhaps changing the wording and describing what you would like her to do in exact terms might have different results. The words “listen to me” and loud voice may have already derived some type of negative pattern or may mean something else to him. Perhaps empowering your sons to make the choice of listening to you or following directions may put the ball in their court. Allowing kids to realize that they have a choice in their behavior leads them to develop self control and confidence. Just as your

oldest has a choice whether he screams as a response, you have a choice in how you react to the scream.

5. What can you do to successfully manage being proactive versus reactive?

You and your husband as a team may decide the type of wording you would like to use with the children. Remember “Short and Precise”, no long dissertations like I described from my early days. Your oldest is achieving negative attention that is becoming a pattern and it will take time to change the pattern. We discussed some ideas on rewards for him choosing to use words instead of losing self control. When he demonstrates a little more patience and or more self control, acknowledge it.

6. We discussed bedtime and the possibility of perhaps allowing some more private book time if he gets ready for bed without the fanfare. This may work well as she may see that he gets more responsibility and benefits of being older and mature. I am really hopeful that something in this area may work. Make your expectations in small increments such as “until lunch or until dinner” and then expand from there. Or if you are already trying something for all day and it isn’t working, scale back to a shorter time frame. The attention span of the four year old is short when remembering what they did to accomplish a goal. Small rewards can lead up to a more rewarding activity or outing that establishes him as more grown up. (ex. sleeping in backyard in a tent with Mom or Dad, whatever you come up with).

7. We discussed using empathy. Statements like I know you are frustrated, or angry, or upset (you pick word) helps dissipate the eruption of emotions because it says that you are aware, not agreeing, but aware. You can follow it up with when you are ready to talk, I will listen to you tell me how you feel. Some people just look at the child and repeat the empathy phrase over again.

8. Self care and time as a couple is a way to nourish your relationship and nothing makes kids feel more secure than seeing Mom and Dad having fun together. It is great that you both are working out lightly after the kid’s bedtime. Make sure you get your private time to yourselves (as a couple) on a reg. basis. This is priceless and it helps keep you on the same page and united in celebrating the joys and challenges together. Taking care of several small children is challenging and sometimes overwhelming depending on stages. You are not alone in many of your concerns and frustrations. There is hope!

I hope that this summary assists you in your ideas and strategies. You are very creative and have many tools already in your toolbox of actions. I will be mailing articles that might be of assistance in the next few days and I would recommend the Boundaries with Kids book. It is a couple days read and easily digested. All of my clients have highly valued it.

Please feel free to call me if you have a concern or question. I will look forward to our next session on Monday, October 4^th at 1p.m. at our same location. Thank you for taking time out of your day to invest in your family.

Sincerely,

Chris