Sample Coaching Summary for Interested Clients to View

All names and events are fictitious and this is to be used only as an example.

Coaching Summary for Alexandra September 26th, 2010

Alexandra, I was so pleased that you took advantage of your session Monday and hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did. I feel as though I learned a great deal from you even though, it was only an hour. I will condense and summarize what I gathered from our session. If you would like to add to the summary or if I am not clear on a point, feel free to let me know. My clients benefit greatly from these and it is an important part of the process. It is obvious that you are putting a great deal of energy into raising your children and you value spending time with them.

Summation:

1. You appreciate the opportunity to stay home with your sons and stated clearly that you don’t miss your career. It sounds as though you would like to eventually return to part time work after they are both in school. You recognize how important it is to physically take care of yourself and to nourish your marriage on an ongoing basis. I can’t say how vital this is to having a joyous home.

2. You enjoy the Preschool that you are involved in although it sounds like the duties can be somewhat stressful at various times. You are considering reducing your volunteer duties to be able to manage more “self-care” time.

3. Your main challenges seem to revolve around reacting to your oldest son’s strong willed behaviors and him becoming easily frustrated. It sounds as though this has become increasingly difficult with age. You appreciate the fact that he is gentle with his brothers most of the time. You feel as though his acting out is not directed toward them.

Do any of the challenging times have a pattern to them? Sometimes siblings react to the crying and developmental differences that comes along with multiple siblings and may even feel stressed by it. Could his tantrums be a form of regression and attention seeking to compete with the baby? Do they happen at the same time of day like when he comes home from preschool or at bedtime?

4. We discussed your desire to see your son follow directions without so many struggles. We talked about the way directions are given. Perhaps changing the wording and describing what you would like her to do in exact terms might have different results. The words “listen to me” and loud voice may have already derived some type of negative pattern or may mean something else to him. Perhaps empowering your sons to make the choice of listening to you or following directions may put the ball in their court. Allowing kids to realize that they have a choice in their behavior leads them to develop self control and confidence. Just as your

oldest has a choice whether he screams as a response, you have a choice in how you react to the scream.

5. What can you do to successfully manage being proactive versus reactive?

You and your husband as a team may decide the type of wording you would like to use with the children. Remember “Short and Precise”, no long dissertations like I described from my early days. Your oldest is achieving negative attention that is becoming a pattern and it will take time to change the pattern. We discussed some ideas on rewards for him choosing to use words instead of losing self control. When he demonstrates a little more patience and or more self control, acknowledge it.

6. We discussed bedtime and the possibility of perhaps allowing some more private book time if he gets ready for bed without the fanfare. This may work well as she may see that he gets more responsibility and benefits of being older and mature. I am really hopeful that something in this area may work. Make your expectations in small increments such as “until lunch or until dinner” and then expand from there. Or if you are already trying something for all day and it isn’t working, scale back to a shorter time frame. The attention span of the four year old is short when remembering what they did to accomplish a goal. Small rewards can lead up to a more rewarding activity or outing that establishes him as more grown up. (ex. sleeping in backyard in a tent with Mom or Dad, whatever you come up with).

7. We discussed using empathy. Statements like I know you are frustrated, or angry, or upset (you pick word) helps dissipate the eruption of emotions because it says that you are aware, not agreeing, but aware. You can follow it up with when you are ready to talk, I will listen to you tell me how you feel. Some people just look at the child and repeat the empathy phrase over again.

8. Self care and time as a couple is a way to nourish your relationship and nothing makes kids feel more secure than seeing Mom and Dad having fun together. It is great that you both are working out lightly after the kid’s bedtime. Make sure you get your private time to yourselves (as a couple) on a reg. basis. This is priceless and it helps keep you on the same page and united in celebrating the joys and challenges together. Taking care of several small children is challenging and sometimes overwhelming depending on stages. You are not alone in many of your concerns and frustrations. There is hope!

I hope that this summary assists you in your ideas and strategies. You are very creative and have many tools already in your toolbox of actions. I will be mailing articles that might be of assistance in the next few days and I would recommend the Boundaries with Kids book. It is a couple days read and easily digested. All of my clients have highly valued it.

Please feel free to call me if you have a concern or question. I will look forward to our next session on Monday, October 4^th at 1p.m. at our same location. Thank you for taking time out of your day to invest in your family.

Sincerely,

Chris

Let 2011 Feel Your "Presence"

Welcome into the year 2011. We are a week in now and there is hope that we can maintain a true sense of family despite all of the growing distractions competing for our kids’ attention. This has been a very lovely two weeks of having the chatter and laughter increased to the level it used to be during the summer. Everyone has navigated the holiday season with ease and peacefulness. I had wondered how all of this would work with it being the first holiday break since having everyone in college. Flexibility is definitely the key to still having FUN and enjoying the small moments while you hold onto the traditions.

A specific tradition, our tree- hunting experience, was downsized immensely. My oldest son, Peter, and his new wife, Sarah, came along with us to keep the tradition going. Our other three children were still in finals week at I.U. With only 9 days to go before Christmas, we knew that we had best go to the tree farm when we could gather the moment. Our car trip was kept alive with the constant moaning of my husband, Skip, and the fact that “we could have found a tree on the corner in Pendleton”. Just as I was trying to curtail the whining with one of my famous retorts, Peter took us on a detour ride through a ditch and into the yard of one of its neighbors. I guess I should give him more warning that the turn was coming up.(A major “I’m sorry” if you are the car that was driving behind us when Pete suddenly slammed on his breaks and “kinda” forgot the turn signal.) He really is a good driver. I think that he was a bit distracted with Mother Christmas and Father Grinch in the vehicle. Of course keeping with tradition, the Erotas family did not disappoint anyone that went along.
It was one of the coldest days in December, with bone- chilling wind-chill, and of course the trees with the soft, long needles are always the ones furthest away. We have been to many tree farms and this one by far is the most original and nostalgic. Millbrook Tree Farm is owned by two school teachers that enjoy seeing the repeat customers each year and were happy to see a newly- wed couple come out to experience the cutting of a tree. Upon arrival, each customer receives a saw, measuring pole, and a cart for hauling the tree. It really is beautiful to have the opportunity to walk through fresh pines in the snow under a star-lit eve. Never mind the hound dogs that bark at us every year. (They just don’t seem to understand the Christmas spirit…obviously, they are not friends of Snoopy. I will remember to bring bones next year.)
Of course, this festive activity did have its debacle— Skip thinks that I am too picky about our trees. I am not. I just want one that looks full and smells nice. We used to get really tall ones when our kids were little. Now we go after the short and stout. This year, we were able to pick one out relatively quickly and tout it home. During Christmas, our tree looked beautiful in our living room. The kids put their own ornaments on each year. They have received new ones every year so there is quite a nice collection at this point. Peter took his container of ornaments this year but we got to keep the ones that he made for us when he was little. Sounds fair. That was our plan. Probably my favorite thing is placing the worn ornaments onto the tree that each child gave to us at Christmas time. Some have their pictures on them, and others have their names printed barely visible on them. The children make fun of their rudimentary artwork from the past, but I am sure that they are pleased that their ornaments bring us such joy and fond memories of times when they were so anxious to see Christmas come. 2010 was a lovely Christmas and I am thankful that everyone’s health is good and that we had so many laughs. I pray for the people struggling and for our men and women overseas in our military. I think we all pray for peace.
So here we are. It is 2011. I cleaned out my wallet and calendar today. I am not making any real resolutions this year except to re-connect with some old friends that I may have lost track of over the last few years. I attended the funeral of a college friend’s father recently and I thought that it must be very comforting for the gal’s mother to see so many of her daughter’s friends show up. Our family has been very blessed with good friends and I am sure that if we can show love and friendship to someone every day then our world will feel our presence. Happy New Year, Peace and Joy to you!